scan #3

On Thursday, I get the next CAT scan to measure where I am on this journey. Obviously, I am hoping for the same results as in the past, another clean scan on a path to being declared free from this cancer.

I feel healthy, strong and full of energy, and am hoping that those feelings will be reflected in the scan. I'm trying to just get on with my life and am happily back to my full, busy life...

The worst part of all of this is the not knowing.... running around under an ever present sword of Damocles...

I'll get the scan results on February 2, so check in after that for the results...

Marking Time

The good news is that I have no news to report. I'm marking the passing of the new year quietly, feeling well, with energy and gratitude to family and friends.

Thank you for being interested in my plight, for checking in here, and for sending me good thoughts. I feel that many things have collectively contributed to my still being around to post these notes, not the least of which is all the human energy being expended on my behalf in the form of thoughts, wishes, prayers and actions... hard to quantify, but impossible to deny from where I stand.

Early next week I will get my latest blood test results through my naturopath, and they should inform us about the effects of some changes we've made in my supplements. Basically, we have cut back on some supplements to see if my healthy blood levels are being achieved by taking the supplements or by the healthy state of my body (being cancer free). If the numbers change, we pump back up the supplements... otherwise we follow a maintenance course...

I get my next CAT scan the last week of January, and will get the results from my oncologist on February 3rd. If I continue to have a clean scan, then I will eventually switch to scans every 6 months... cautiously heading toward that magical 5 year date where they stop looking for darkness...

In the meantime, I wish you all a new year full of wisdom and good health...

-D

Killers

I just got results from my naturopath for the latest blood test I had through him... My natural killer cell levels are rising. They currently stand at 51.4 up from previous tests when they were below 20. This is good news as the higher the number the better, as they play an important role in the immune system... particularly with the attack on mutant cells...

So the supplements seem to be doing their thing... so I stay the course...

Normalcy

I've been trying to get back to a "normal" routine... not a simple task, but something that I'm working toward mentally and physically.

Yesterday I saw my naturapathic doctor to go over the results of my latest blood work and adjust my diet/supplements accordingly. The news were as good as I could have hoped for... all the blood factors that he measures indicates NO ACTIVE CANCER!

He backed off the doses of a few supplements and is testing my natural killer cells to see if he can take me off one of the more expensive supplements. The work now with him is to continue to maintain a healthy climate in my body...

This good news, combined with the last clean scan has allowed me to begin to see a glimmer of light off in the distance. It has been VERY hard to think about having a future much farther out than a year from the present... It's not that I expect to be gone by then; but more of a lingering sense that I should be realistic and live only in the present. A ghost on my shoulder.

I'm amazed at how my mind works... On the way back from the naturapath, comforted by his findings, I found my mind drifting to art projects and ideas that I had casually shelved as I focused on more pressing issues...

Every bit of positive news opens the door of possibilities a little wider...

Thanks for all your continued support. Enjoy Thanksgiving...

Results...

Today we received the results of my recent scan: Clean! No growth of the pancreatic tumor, and no spots showing up anywhere else...

It's the best possible outcome (though ANY other outcome would be the worst possible), and needless to say we are VERY pleased and relieved. The past week has been strange, I've been a bit numb as I awaited today's news, not worried so much as cautious, afraid to be too optimistic in case the worst was revealed...

The mental game is the hardest part of this new life I am leading... I feel healthy, I continue to follow pretty strict dietary and naturopathic practices, so I feel I am doing almost everything I can to fend this off.. but, I am not quite able to believe that I am cured.

So on we go... next scan late January!

Chainlink has been installed...

Yesterday I had my hernia fixed. Wire mesh was put both under and over the tear in my muscle, joined through the hole. I am now home recovering... and re-discovering the postures and sensations of my last operation...only this time the opiates are a little weaker and the pain a fair amount lower (in location).

I was able to put off the surgery till now, allowing me to get my classes to a place where my absence would be more manageable than those tender first few weeks of school.

So I'm putting in lots of sofa time, an ice pack in my lap, Vicodin in my belly and a stack of old Gourmet Magazines that I have been obsessively pouring over... salivating over recipes, 99% of which I can't eat. It's hard to explain, but I get some kind of perverse pleasure by reading about all these rich and currently restricted foods. I need my 5 year survival certificate before I can let some of that stuff slip back into my diet.

That's not to say that we don't eat well. We do. Flavorful, organic, fresh foods, whole grains... I just miss the richness of cheese and cream sauces, not to mention a little beer and wine... at least I don't really crave sugar, that used to be a BIG part of my diet...

My last visit to the Naturopath to discuss my treatment and go over the latest blood work, revealed that my uptake of some vitamins and one blood factor had fallen off a bit. That combined with unpleasant digestive issues I have been having since the operation in March led Dr. Belanger to suggest that my pancreas may not be aiding digestion fully after sustaining damage from radiation, and that I should look into taking a pancreatic enzyme through my primary care doctor. I've been taking that enzyme for 3 weeks with every meal and my digestion has returned to normal... our next meeting in a month will reveal if that was also responsible for the blood level issues.

I feel strongly that the diet and supplements I've been on though Dr Belanger has been key, in combination with conventional care and other approaches, to my still being around.

And I am very happy to have the naturopathic treatments continuing, as it gives me a structure to continue my healing now that conventional medicine has nothing more to offer me.

My next MGH body scan results meeting is scheduled for October 27...

School Starts...

After a quiet July that ended with a clean scan, I stepped into an August that was full of travel and activities... Monika and I spent a weekend in NYC for a friends thesis exhibit, then another weekend near the finger lakes for a photographers' gathering, before heading to NC for a week of friends and image making, then back home for a short camping trip before driving Lucas down to Goucher College... plus a couple of lovely weddings tossed in for good measure... I did more in the past month than I did collectively in the past year and a half...

Now school has started and the exciting routine of teenage chaos mixed with creativity has begun... It feels good to be back at my trade... All the events of the past year and a half have created a lot of grist to expand and inform my teaching.

Next week I'll see my naturapathic doctor to discuss results from recent blood tests and adjust my treatments accordingly. I'm still taking a daily bucketful of supplements so I'm hoping that the blood results show a continued payoff in my healing.

It turns out I have a hernia! For months I thought it was just some residual discomfort from the operation, but it turns out to be a hernia in my groin. October 1st I'll have outpatient surgery to repair it. They tell me I'll miss a week or two of work while I recover. I hope not. So now I have pre-op blood and EKG tests and an x-ray scheduled...

All these things serve to distract me until the end of October when scan #2 is scheduled...