Resting and Waiting

It's been a week since I ended the last round of treatments, and I'm slowly getting my strength and energy back. I've been sleeping a lot and I have a little more energy each day. Today I started back up with yoga classes; I've been feeling as limber as a bag of cement.

The Feng Shui Master came back last week. After learning that my scan from a month ago was good, he said he needed to follow up on his previous visits to do some new things to heal me. He is a complete mystery. The Master drives up in a big Mercedes, sports an Elvis like bouffant and a Chinese leisure suit, and uses i-phone apps to make his ancient calculations. This time he checked on the site of the animal ghost ceremony that he did the last time, making sure it was still fenced off from any human or animal contact. He also inspected all the other things he told us to do (most of which we did). He speaks no English, but says very little anyway, and explains almost nothing of the what's or why's of his actions.

This weeks action involved him making an alchemical mixture of various colored powders, mixing in some water, painting it on a large brass Chinese coin which, after a ceremony involving fire, bells, and numerous incomprehensible incantations, ended by me hanging the coin in the carefully chosen and measured spot on the wall, and then my carrying a laminated packet of something on my person and wearing a blessed jade and gold dragon necklace... I'm starting to feel like a Chinese Liberace... all in the name of healing...and fun.

February 11 is my next goal. It's the big day when I get the latest scan back and meet with my "team" to chart the next path...

This illness has changed the nature of "goals" for me. I used to think about long and short term goals; like what I'd like to accomplish in the next couple of years, and then 10 years and on retirement plans... Plans based on the illusion of unlimited time.

Now my goals are much closer to home... timed to help me make it through the next treatment, or through the few days it takes until a test or scan result comes in. These goals keep me much more focused in the moment, and consequently I feel more present and focused on each day. Grateful, really. (Scared, but grateful)

So February 11th is my current goal.

-D

Letting it do it's thing

Well, I made it through this round of radiation and chemo, and now have a few weeks rest from any treatments while the radiation continues to kills the cancer cells that have been damaged by those powerful, healing beams. I can get back to work helping my body recover, building up my strength and energy. And I can start up yoga and exercise again!

I will not miss driving in to MGH everyday, the hardest part for me has been sitting in the waiting room full of so many suffering people. It's a quiet, sad place... I felt like I didn't belong there, even though my prognosis is probably much worse than most of the people in the place... Ironic I know. It reminded me of a Bruegel or Bosch painting of the gates of hell. I got in and out as fast as I could, even though the people working there were very kind.

On February 9th I'll get new scans, and then on the 11th we'll meet with my medical team to see what happened, and decide what happens next...