New Year

We call this "chicken TV", It's our chickens looking in the window - watching us...

As this year comes to a close, I've been in this cancer fight for six months, and it has dominated my actions, thoughts and activities. I have parred my life down to the basics of healing, family and as much teaching as I can do. My art making and work in the community has for the most part been put aside, and my frenetic, workaholic pace of living has been turned into a restful, more meditative approach to each day. The days of me having ten projects going at once are over. This simplification of my actions and my approach to life has been a very positive thing, one that I will largely continue if I make it through this.

I am learning a lot about myself, and am becoming a better person through it. However, I wouldn't recommend this particular path for a self help process... it's no fun.

Six months with no meat, dairy, beer, French bread, cheese, potatoes, BBQ, ice cream, sugar, Pad Thai, coffee, Chinese food, peanuts, cookies, pie, hot dogs, all Albanian food esp lamb, did I mention BBQ and beer? ...you get the idea... so here I am, 50 pounds lighter, wondering if I'll ever get any of these basic life essentials back! If I do, they will be enjoyed in moderation, and fully appreciated, each bite slowly savored...

Yesterday, I had a small cheat. An old friend came over and I made him coffee and put out a dish of Monika's gingerbread cookies. After watching him while we talked, I decided that I NEEDED to try a cookie, so I made a small cup (one inch deep) of coffee and milk, and took a small cookie. Over the next hour as we talked, I smelled the coffee, occasionally dipping the cookie and then putting a tiny piece on my tongue, leaving it there until it dissolved. I could almost taste every ingredient as a separate, subtle element; the ginger, sugar, butter. The intensity of the flavor was sublime, and I loved every second of it, even though in the end, I had most of the coffee left... the cookie however was gone. Last year I would have eaten 8 cookies at a sitting, so fast that I would have barely noticed the flavor.

The radiation and chemo are starting to cause more symptoms as I get into the final two weeks. My focus is to make it to January 15, and then I get to be free of treatments till mid February when I get scanned.

I once again would like to thank all of you who are helping me through this, your love, support and kindness mean more to Monika and I than we could possibly express, and I wonder if we could be managing this trial without you. THANK YOU.

Happy New Year. I hope this new year brings good to all of us.

xo D

Holiday Rest...

I will have 4 days to rest this week starting on Christmas Eve day through Sunday. I'm at the half way point for the radiation and chemo treatments. So far the main symptoms are fatigue some intermittent pain for a few hours after treatments. Overall pretty bearable, really. During the day I feel full energy and am able to teach, so I'm hoping that continues into January. It has interrupted my going to yoga, but I'll start back up in mid January when this course is over.

The biggest challenge for me is staying positive and focused on healing. Knowing that my odds are so bad... creeps into my mind when I'm tired and weak. Generally though, I feel pretty positive about how this is going and I know that the fact that the cancer hasn't grown is good news. So I'm staying the course.

The radiation is trying to damage the DNA of the cancer cells and either kill them outright or interrupt the DNA enough that they die when they try to divide and replicate. Our hope is that the kill rate will be enough to shrink the tumor to an operable state. Short of that, no growth would lead to more a intensive radiation procedure... Those will be the discussions of mid February...

For now I will enjoy the next 4 days rest and the holiday gatherings with family and friends. That, I have come to realize, is the most important thing...

I wish you all a wonderful holiday with those you love...

Peace,

David

one week down...

During this first week of radiation, I held up pretty well. It makes me tired, and I feel like "something" is going on inside, but otherwise I can't tell. I've had some pain in my back and around the area of my stent, but I'm not sure if it related to the treatments or just caused by irritation from the stent procedure and the stress of being back in daily treatment.

I have the weekends off from both the radiation and chemo, so I'm trying to rest and refresh in preparation for week 2.

The kids come home on Tuesday, and Monika's Mom comes from Sweden on Friday, so lots of distractions are on the horizon...

Numerous people have been asking me about how to join the list of people who have been bringing us meals on Mondays and Wednesdays. Jan McGinn has been keeping a list and forwarding people my diet limitations. Thank you to Jan and everyone who has been so kind and generous...It has been so helpful to us during all this chaos...

Jan can be reached at: mcginn.jan@verizon.net

Nuclear Power

I started radiation and chemo today.

Five days a week for 28 days. Weekends and holidays off. They lined up my 3 tattoos with the laser guides and took x-rays to ensure that the radiation beams would hit the right spot.

I felt nothing for the 15 minutes it took to get "zapped" though I know that the side effects are cumulative so I expect fatigue to build up...

I made it home in time to go to yoga, but now I'm officially exhausted.

Now we just hope that it does it's job well...

Complication

I was supposed to start radiation and chemo today, but there was a problem with blood levels from my liver. That, combined with a a bout of fever, chills and fatigue last night... and my doctors came to the conclusion that the stent in my gall bladder is failing and needs to be replaced; tomorrow.

So back to MGH for that procedure, and if all goes well, I'll start radiation on Monday.

Never a dull moment here!

-D