Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Visions/Home


Hospital time is very slow. Because of regular checks, prods and procedures, I was interrupted often and it's really hard to sleep as streams of nurses, various doctors and residents make their way though. You lay out of time, in a daze. I was very lucky and had a roommate from VT, who had had a whipple operation by Dr Fernandez. Having a thoughtful and kind man with a related experience in the next bed, made my journey much easier.
The surgery had cut deep into my abdomen; and my skilled team of doctors did the job in just over 2 hours. Amazing!
The healing takes a LOT longer.
My surgeon, Dr Carlos Fernandez-del Castillo gave me a great report and a detailed account of the procedure... the highlight being that it was the best possible outcome: they found the tumor much smaller than they expected (a 2cm shriveled prune like growth) and in an excellent position to be radiated through a small cone. Everything else went well, and now only time will tell...

I'll discuss my thoughts on that in the next post...

By Tuesday, my pain management involved eating 8mg of dilaudid every 3 or 4 hours...leaving me pain free as long as my midriff didn't move in any direction...any move would result in jabs of pain that were uncomfortable but manageable...more drugs would numb all pain, but the narcotic effect would be unworkable...
As it was, by Monday night I was having pretty wild hallucinations... they persisted until today when I was able to reduce my dose by about a third...
After I got home and took my next round of medication, I rested while Monika made some food. Among the many strange things that came my way... I saw Deb's dog Buddy laying on the floor near me (he died March 2), but instead of his flowing golden fur, it was replaced with the iridescent red and brown feather plumage of our rooster... that was some look!

When I closed my eyes, I saw an awkward, young amateur Jewish comedian who wanted to put on an act for me. With his fro and unbuttoned print shirt and chains, he implored me to watch but I didn't want to, so I opened my eyes to get rid of the vision...when I closed them to check, he was still there so I opened my eyes again, but this time just he disappeared, the background around him stayed in my sight with just a cutout of his shape missing... eventually I was able to avoid the show.

Trust me it ain't easy being sick... you should have seen that shirt!

I'm so happy to be home...

13 comments:

  1. I've got a question: So, when you eat your meal of dilaudid, do they give you bread and wine with that? And if they do, what wine do you suggest, red or white?

    Glad you are home! And just in time for some good weather. Hope you'll be able to sit out under your handmade arbor and watch the chickens scratch about. Bet they missed you.

    You mentioned the hallucinations: Do you have a patch cord for those. I'd really like to see them. Bet they were wild indeed. Perhaps Buddy was a bit constrained in real life, and he finally got to express himself.

    And I like the Jewish comedian. Isn't that one of the Passover rituals? I was thinking of finding you a shirt like that, but I'm not sure laughter is a good thing at this point.

    Best to you!

    Ward

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  2. Dearest Dave,
    Hoorah and huzzahs for being at home -- despite the crazy visions! You write so well you make those visions come alive for us. Gracious! And such good news about that "shriveled prune" of a tumor. Out out damn tumor!
    Hope the healing continues apace, your bling stays steady, and the pain recedes soon. We continue to send you strength and good health. Your journey is coming into the sunlight of spring!
    XX
    Sue and Tom

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  3. So glad to hear you are home and thanks for taking the time to let us know about what you are experiencing. And as hallucinations go, a comedian is one of the more unique ones. Wishing peace and healing to you both.

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  4. ...ok....i need a bit more information about the jewish comedian....how did you know he/she was jewish? Who would you compare him/her to...woodie allen, don rickles, jerry seinfeld, mel brooks, andrew dice clay, billy crystal, gary shandling, or maybe jackie mason or henny youngman??

    ...the internet is loaded with information....did you know:

    "While Jews account for less than 2.5% of the USA's population, approximately 70% of the USA's working comedians are Jewish." Ponder that during your next hallucination.

    good to hear you're doing well and weaning yourself off the drugs...keep up the good work, and best wishes for a great weekend to you, monika, and the kiddos.

    Alan

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  5. Dave: It is really great to hear all this wonderful news!!! I have been reading your blog with all the great words, encouragement & love that all of your followers have to say. To have so many friends that care is one of the greatest assests one can have. Rememeber to make each small achievement as a goal meet. Keep up the strength and the great attidude &
    enjoy this Holly time of year.
    Our Blessings to you and your Family.
    Stephen & Lori

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  6. so happy you are home as well, there is no rest for the weary in the hospital. love the buddy story and the cutout of the comedian make me think of early attempts at cut and paste in photoshop, ooops how'd i get that hole? the sun is shining on you, give monika a kiss for me! robin

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  7. Hi Dave,
    Hope the hallucinations are improving and the comics a grade above the Borscht Belt.
    Much love and sunshine to you and Monika from Florida,
    Korndingo

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  8. Hi Dave,
    I am so glad to hear that you are home and that the surgery went so well. I think that comedian was really the prophet Elijah bringing you freedom from pain -- It is Passover, after all -- a celebration of freedom. I hope the healing continues apace! Much love, Vicky M

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  9. You're such a poem, hope you know..make one realize arts so not made just embodied and exuded, extruded, what have you, yeah yeah there's all the work and shoptime too, but you clarify in your delusions, the poetry all in the mist. Been doing kickboxing, would so have loved to taken on one of those bouts of pain for you. Next time. Glad the invasive prune-plum is on the run..strange, that feathering of ghosts, and how much more real it seems than regular stuff..anyway, time to plant peas, let me know if you want me to drop a row chez-toi..xoJess

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  10. Dave,

    Congrats on the successful procedure and your return home. Your descriptions of the side effects from the pain meds sound like a chapter from one of the Carlos Castaneda books. Surely, Yaqui enlightenment cannot be far behind.

    May the healing continue and the vision get less psychedelic.

    Pete

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  11. Ah, the feathered dog and the young pesky Jewish comedian. This may lead to some interesting pictures.

    David, we imagine right now, the radiation cone zapping the shriveled prune of death into nothingness. DIE PRUNE! DIE!!!

    Love as always,
    Anne & Paul

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  12. Mmmm... Dilaudid. Had it for my back last year. Does the trick nicely. The withdrawl isn't so fun unless you wean yourself. Really happy to hear you're doing well there! Get strong. BTW- I'd love to see one of them there dogsters!

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  13. Dave, you are probably so much farther along by the time I write this post. I fully understand your impulse to avoid the comedy routine. Must have seemed pretty out of place....and not so very funny.
    I hope the pain meds have been sufficiently reduced and that when you see a comic in the room, it is encased behind a glass screen and is actually funny.
    Here's to relief and healing.
    Much Love,
    Paula, Doug, et al...

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